Embracing change

Embracing change

This has been one deliriously astonishing year. Most of what I knew to be ‘me’ no longer is or is rapidly changing. It has been the year of most letting go’s that I can recall…. family, friendships, career, mindset, desires and outlook. It has been a year of embracing change.

Just to take December as an example….

I lost all will to work or socialize. I could barely muster enough energy to get out of bed. But one thing I have become much more of this year is clear and honest. Honest with what is and what is going on with me. So I asked for a special arrangement at my daughter’s nursery – that we could arrive when we were ready. Which meant a whole month of extra cuddles and no rush in the mornings. Thank you.

Dec also meant turning over a lot of my responsibilities to my new PA. I must have intuitively known I was in for a strange ride and hired her just in time to take over. Thank you.

I cancelled most things in my calendar to make room to just be. I didn’t panic like I might have in earlier years. I trusted and surrendered to my process. Thank you.

I started desiring more and more to just be in the moment, in nature or lying down being with my breath discovering anew who I am. Most of the time I slept.

I received the first correspondence I have had from my dad in more than a year. It was one sentence typed meticulously with great effort…. one which made me very happy, as I now know he is alive and feeling. Thank you.

This Dec also meant losing a very expensive court case and really letting go of something dear. Astonishingly I took it all very calmly…as I heard within ‘something good will come of this’ and I ended up feeling like I had won. Thank you.

I experienced my first PEACEFUL Christmas ever: 4 days of peace within and with my new family of 1 lover, 3 kids, 1 mother-in-law and 1 brother-in-law. Not one bit of drama, negativity, jealousy, fighting, arguing, shouting, blaming, feeling guilty, afraid, an outsider or not good enough. The latter is how I remember X’mas’ past and why I have never been much of a fan of the festive season. I am beyond grateful to have created this experience in this lifetime in this year. Thank you.

I started to draw and paint again. Losing myself to my artistic self that knows no boundaries, no limits. Only beginnings, only the present, only possibilities, only being and musing and enjoying for the sheer pleasure of it. Thank you.

…and that’s the thing with this year 2014 – although so much change has happened every day of every week of every month – I may no longer be me as I used to be but my essence is showing up more and more brightly. I may have lost my way and sight of why I am here… my big purpose, but somehow I feel more real and present than ever before, even in this strange zombie-like metamorphisizing state.

I look forward to the New Year when it comes. I am no longer ahead of myself. I am no longer afraid of change as it has become my most reliable companion this year.

Here’s to another magical year of becoming truer to who we really are… Magical essences in rapturous bodies.





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